Delayed joy is keeping you depressed.
Have you ever found yourself saying, "I'll be happy when…"? Maybe it's losing a certain amount of weight or achieving financial freedom. We all have our dreams and desires, and they usually come from a place of hope and intention. I can't tell you the countless times I have said these things to myself. But here's the thing: once we achieve those goals, what happens to our joy? Today, let's dive into the idea "Delayed joy is keeping you depressed".
Dr. Jordan Grumet, M.D., wrote an insightful piece for Psychology Today about what he calls the "achievement treadmill." He shared that "The achievement treadmill traps us in a cycle where success never brings lasting happiness or peace." It's a familiar cycle—achieving one thing only to chase after the next—and many of us find ourselves feeling down when our goals remain just out of reach.
Ways that I've Delayed Joy
As a therapist, I'm no stranger to this treadmill either. My own journey through academia sometimes feels like it's set me up for low levels of contentment until I reach that coveted license. It's completely natural to feel that we need our achievements to validate our existence, pay our bills, or just live a fulfilling life. But what if I told you that joy doesn't have to be a reward waiting at the end of the finish line?
High-functioning depression in Black Women
Recently, I tuned into a podcast called Mamas Den, hosted by the fabulous Black Love channel. They featured Dr. Judith Joseph, a brilliant psychiatrist who specializes in high-functioning depression—particularly among black women. She pointed out a crucial insight: many of us, regardless of background, hold off on our joy until we've ticked off our list of achievements. It was noted that black women in particular, tend to minimize symptoms of depression and relate their symptoms to a deficit within themselves, worsening their high functioning depression.
It's important to note that this experience within the black community is not often discussed. Many black women and men don't seek therapy until symptoms are debilitating or visible. They may overfunction in their life as a way to overcompensate for their symptoms. And due to systemic racism, black people are less likely to seek out treatment due to high levels of stigma around mental health and mistrust in the medical system. But we need to bring awareness around stigmas to shift as a society to make mental health safe, and create more opportunities for joy.
Towards the end of the episode, Dr. Joseph encouraged listeners to make room for joy in our daily lives—don't wait for the next milestone to celebrate! And this isn't just a nice idea; research shows that practicing mindfulness—being fully present in the moment—can help alleviate anxiety and depression. So, how can we infuse more joy into our weeks right now? Here are six fun and simple ideas to get you started. Feel free to use these or let your imagination run wild with your own:
Ways to Implement Joy Into Your Week
Cook your favorite breakfast slowly, savoring each bite.
Spend ten minutes outside with no phone in sight, simply soaking up the world around you.
Reach out to that friend who always makes you laugh—laughter is a fantastic joy booster!
Crank up the music and break a little sweat while stretching between tasks.
Light a candle during your journaling or reading time—it adds a cozy touch.
Each day, take a moment to thank God (or the universe) for one good thing that's happening in your life.
Delayed joy doesn't have to be the pattern of your life, and joy doesn't have to be a destination. It can be threaded into the tapestry of our everyday lives, one moment at a time.
